Thursday, October 8, 2009

I love my boy.

After a fun day @ Pumpkintown and making pottery, it is finally time to settle in and get some work done. Because of Kenny III's recent math aversion I have started allowing him to do 1 problem in each section, and if he gets it right on his own he is done. If it is incorrect he has to keep doing that section until he completes it, correctly, alone.

I just went over to get a drink from my water bottle only to find it empty. Kenny says to me, total deadpan "You may want to refill that. I get stressed out in times like these and use most of my water crying."

I had to walk away to keep from laughing at him! He has no idea how easy he has it! And, until a week or two ago, he always enjoyed math. Granted, it is getting more challenging, but I do not belabor a point. If he gets the concept, we move on.

At least he's always good for a laugh!!!!

Monday, September 7, 2009

See you in September

So here it is Labor Day, the unofficial end to summer. This is the beginning of my favorite time here on the East End. While we are sad to see some of our "summer friends" go home, I must admit I also breathe a huge sigh of relief. While I am cognizant, and appreciative, to the boost to local economy that tourists bring, I loathe the attitudes that oft times come with them. I am relieved to have our roads back and our beaches populated by locals. The water is still warm enough to enjoy, the sun is still shining, the farms are still producing...it's beautiful.
We school year round, but an annual tradition I am honored to continue is the "Back to No School Beach Day". When I first began homeschooling on the East End the celebration was held @ Wildwood. I remember that first year hanging with friends at the beach during the day, then taking my kids to Davis to pick peaches which we then came home and canned. In the part of PA where I am from peaches are done in August, the extended growing season out here is like a precious gift!! My kids eat more canned peaches than I can put up. If you have never had a summer-ripe peach in the middle of a bitter cold winter's day, please, come to my house. It is a treat not to be missed.
Shortly after the first day of public school my kids and I usually take a break from our schooling to head down to Florida for a few weeks. We become caretakers for my in-loves ever growing ranch, herd of horses, and my husband's grandfather (soon to be 97) while they take their annual vacation. This year, however, they will be coming here! It has been at least 5 years since my mother-in-love has been back up here, and I am so excited to share what is her favorite time of year also. They will be staying with us for a few days of their trip and we just can't wait to have them.
Enjoy fall, pick some apples, visit the vineyards, go clamming...get out there and experience the East End as it should be!!!!!!!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

School, School, School

There is a paragraph in Harlen Coben's book Darkest Fear that struck me: "School removes children from their warm parental cocoon. School teaches them to bully or be bullied. School teaches them to be cruel to one another. School teaches them that Mommy and Daddy lied to them when they told them they were special and unique."

I had a converstation with a friend the other day, while enjoying a restaurant meal with our combined 5 kids. It was a lovely meal, the kids were prefectly behaved and everyone had a good time. She was sharing with me that one of her friends told her she and her husband can't take their kids out to eat because they don't behave. This prompted a lengthy discussion about child rearing!

Kenny and I have always taken our kids with us to restaurants, church, shopping...wherever. We explain where we are going and what the general parameters of acceptable behavior are, and we expect them to comply. For the most part, they have always been well behaved in public. And of the times we had to leave, it was usually because we had asked something of them they were not equipped to give. Either it was too late, we had done too much or they were just not in the mood.

This is the approach we take to schooling as well. My 5 year old was recently listening to her sister's geometry lesson and wanted to learn it also. I could not find any 1st grade geometry so I printed out a page on triangles. In one easy lesson she learned isosceles, right and equilateral triangles. The child can barely say the words, but she knows how to identify the shapes!!

My son has been going to the skate park @ Stotsky. I thought he was too little (48", 42lbs) but he has proved to be quite proficient. And I am very pleased to report that in our experience the older kids are watchful and respectful of the youngers. This is a lesson we strive for in our schooling. Olders yield to the youngers, what a beautiful picture to watch.

As we wind down our school year it is a time of reflection. What worked, what didn't, what books will we use next year, what trips will be repeat and what will we avoid. I really hate this time of year. Self examination is not my strong suit, and it is uncomfortable to admit my role in some of our schooling failures. However, I know that next year will be easier and better and I feel very blessed to be able to watch my children grow and succeed.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I'll take what's behind door #3 Monty....




Ask me what Kenny got for his birthday. Go ahead, ask me!!!

A NEW FREAKIN' CAR!!!!!!!!! Not just any car; a 2009 Dodge Challenger SRT8...for whom does that happen?!!

About a year ago, our boss, Gary, asked me if Kenny would like a new motorcycle, or to have his restored. He wouldn't. When the new Challengers came out, Gary knew Kenny had to have one. When Kenny was in his late teens he had a black Challenger, and Gary remembered how much Kenny loved that car. We talked about it a bit and a plan was hatched.

Finally, in the past month or so, we were able to track down a few Hemi Orange; manual 6-speeds. We finally found "the one" in Harrisonburg, Virginia. Gary was heading down to Concord, NC for the race this weekend and decided to stop at the dealership on the way. He got a speeding ticket trying to get there before it closed and once he arrived the dang thing was in the body shop!!!!! He called me in a panic trying to find another one before he headed back home. Oh, and did I mention this HAD to be a surprise? We work in a fishbowl!!

I called every dealership I could find from PA to NC. Finally, a kind salesman in NC took pity on me and searched the dealer database. He found 3 cars; 2 in NC and 1 in WV. Apparently there are plenty of black, pearl and red. You want the regular coupe? No problem. But try to find a Hemi Orange, SRT8 with every option offered and you are SOL.

I started calling the dealers and struck out with #1; while it was listed in the dealer directory as Orange, the car they had was actually black. The car behind Door #2 was nearly fully loaded, but it didn't have GPS. Not a deal breaker, but I decided to press on. Behind Door #3 was a guy, in a garage, in Hickory, NC named Bucky. (I can't make this up!!!) He was very nice, confirmed that they had the car, that it was inside with the hood up and had never been driven. I asked if they were tacking on a premium because (oh, I forgot this detail) the production lines have been shut down and this car is not being made right now. He assured me that no, his dealership was not assessing a premium on top of the sticker price. (LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!!!) But it wasn't too terrible, and Kenny really does deserve the best.
Gary happened to have been driving to Asheville the day I found the car, and so he and his fiance stopped there on there way back through the following afternoon. He picked up the car, drove it back to Concord and then trailered it home.

The look on Kenny's face this afternoon as he saw the car for the first time, and then realized it was for him? Truly priceless.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Blah, blah, blah...

I have had enough of this terrible, horrible, no good, very bed weather. Saturday was just a tease, making all this rain unbearable! We have plans, and they do not include getting soaking wet every ten minutes. Even the dog hates it, not to mention his smell. He us not normally a smelly dog, excluding his emissions. But rain + dog = very foul smell.

I need sunshine. I need the beach. I need warmth!!!!

We are doing a total East End treasure hunt tomorrow, from Montauk to Hampton Bays and all points in between. We are gathering some friends and seeing all the sights. We are going to the beach if it kills us, and the kids WILL like it!!! Summer must arrive, and I am going to will it into existence!

Monday, March 30, 2009

The Most Magical Place on Earth?!

Disney 2009; what an adventure. In January of 2007 I took all 3 kids to Disney (then 9, 5 & 3) by myself. After that debacle I vowed never to step foot in WDW ever again! But then my dear friend, and Disney Travel Agent, Gigi sent me an email detailing a fantastic deal. Buy 4 nights, get 3 free!!


My sister generously agreed to keep Kyleigh for the week, and so Jess, Kenny III and I were looking forward to a great week.

Unfortunately, the week of our departure my sister's grandfather (aged 90) had a stroke and was taken from Assisted Living to Brandywine Hospital. So my poor sister spent the week visiting and arranging....oh, and taking care of his 30 pound MINIATURE daschund, Mitzi. Who has never been fed dog food, had tapeworm, fleas and a yeast infection!!! My sister is a saint.

So we arrive on Friday afternoon and got settled, and enjoyed an amazing meal of Italian Wedding soup. And then for dessert we had a cake made out of long johns, heavenly.

We made it to bed and my sister drove the kids and I to Philadelphia Airport on Saturday morning.
We arrived in one piece and our room was ready! So we got into our bathing suits and headed to the pool for a swim and a bit of a rest. Then we got on a boat bound for Downtown Disney. Remember it is Saturday night, and it was a bit windy. So imagine my surprise when my mother's husband got me on the Nextel to tell me "You need to call home, Kyleigh cut her hair." I was thoroughly confused, as my mother is a hairdresser, and quite capable of fixing whatever Kyleigh may have done. It took quite a few tries for me to realize he was telling me that Kyleigh cut her HAND and my brother in law had taken her to the ER. Mind you, my sister was at Brandywine Hospital getting her grandfather discharged and returning him to Tel Hai, a good hour from Chester County Hospital where Kyle was taken.
Turns out, she had fallen, gashed open her wrist and required 4 stitches. The rest of our trip was uneventful, but upon returning to my sister's the following Saturday it was obvious the stitches needed to come out. But first, Dawn had noticed that Mitzi had been hobbling the last few days. She had been on a diet and had lost a good deal of weight, so my sister wasn't sure what the trouble was. I took one look at her paws and realized her toenails had grown full circle and were now growing back into her paw pads. So off we went to the Emergency Animal Hospital!!! They were so nice, and we were not there long and Mitzi is good as new.
After breakfast on Sunday a nurse friend of my sister's offered to take out Kyleigh's stitches. She screamed her full head off, I felt so badly for the poor woman who I am sure will think twice before offering her services again!!! After claming her and washing up we went to my mom's to properly celebrate my sister's birthday and our visit was cut a little short by a tornado, and hail that was reported to be 2 inches in diameter!!!! Fortunately no one was injured, but many mobile homes in the area were destroyed.
The next time I want to go away without Kyleigh, I think I will leave her with my in laws :)

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Kid Swapping (Thanks, 6 !)


I have a beautiful, angelic looking 5 year old... and she is a holy terror. She screamed non-stop for the first 3 years of her life. She was allergic to disposable diapers and the gel that they contain. Her skin is so fair she always bruises at the slightest touch and a simple mosquito bite looks like a huge welt. She will not sleep by herself and screams like a lunatic for no reason at all. She is smart as anything and not afraid to tell you exactly what she thinks of you. She is foolproof birth control.
Forget Planned Parenthood, just loan Kyleigh out to any teenager even considering mattress dancing.
I also have a boy. He never cried, ever. He ate when I wanted him to eat, slept when I wanted him to sleep and was joyful and happy every minute of every day. He is still an absolute delight. Even the rare temper tantrum is explosive, but brief and he always apologizes and is generous with the snuggles.
So when 6 mentioned his wife would like a girl, it got me thinking. I was jesting when I suggested we trade his 4 year old boy for my 5 year old girl, but why not? Maybe parents should take kids for a test drive. There are a whole lot of parents our there that should not be parents. Maybe if they had the opportunity to try before you buy they may have realized parenting is not for them.
Anyone want a moody, sullen, messy 12 year old girl? How about a really large puppy?! Both are precious when they want to be, but boy do they have their moments.
* Disclaimer: I adore my children, temper tantrums and all. But I seriously believe if people know what they were in for they would think twice.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

In defense of homeschooling

We had our first CSE meeting this week and while it was not as bad as I anticipated, it was also a little hard to sit through.
The committee has decided K3 needs resource room help; 5 days a week, 36 minutes a day. What kind of bullshit is that? 36 minutes? Where is the formula used to determine this arbitrary number? It certainly has nothing to do with my particular child. Then we have the issue of where to provide his services. Now, obviously this is one I expected. And up to this point each evaluator has offered us the choice of bringing K3 to the school, or them coming to our home. He is not adverse to going to the school and I figured it was best to have the evaluator on familiar ground with all of "their" tools and tricks. But this is another thing altogether.
I tried to appear a willing participant, but firmly explained that while I was certainly willing to try whatever they thought best, I was not going to fight with my child to get him to the school 5 days a week for 36 minutes.
The other thing that I found funny was a question asked by the CSE person. "So, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, how is the homeschooling going?" How is it going? What the heck does that mean? How do you answer that without negating the need for services and/or putting your homeschool on probation?

Through this whole process we have spent an extraordinary amount of time defending our decision to homeschool. This is not new territory, as we have faced all of these questions before from everyone from complete strangers to our closest family members. But for some reason, through this process, I feel criticized and accused. Again, I knew going in to this process that I would be entering a sort of trial by fire. I am admitting to all the world that my son is not on level academically. Because of the way my other 2 children have advanced though, I was feeling pretty confident in my ability to withstand the accusation that it is my inferior teaching that is causing my son to fall behind. However, now I am not so sure. Hopefully this is a temporary loss of confidence, as homeshcooling is no place for wimps!!

So, that got me to thinking about all the other idiots who think they have the right to question our choice. i am not talking about family members and close friends, the people who genuinely care about the welfare of our children and who are honestly curious about why we have made this decision. I am talking about the old lady in the grocery store who asks "No school today?" To which I once replied "No senior center today?" Not a high point in my life, admittedly.
I am talking about the school teacher down the block who grills our kids about the minutia of sentence structure or obscure facts on ancient Greece. The soccer Dad, screaming at the ref for what he perceives to be a bad call while asking how our kids could possibly get a decent shot at an athletic scholarship.

As parents, we are required to give our kids our all. We need to offer them the best of the best and encourage them to excel. No one knows my children better than me, no one loves them more than me and no has higher expectations than me. So why, oh why, would I possibly make a choice for them that I have not researched within an inch of it's life and believe to be the best?

And what business is it of yours anyway? :)

Friday, January 30, 2009

Warm, Lazy River, Roll on Forever


It is 12 frigid degrees outside, the ground is frozen solid and the drive is a sheet of ice. The forecast is calling for snow, and I am digging out bathing suits and flip flops. Not to go someplace warm. mind you, that would make too much sense!! No, we are going to Ohio. Right smack in the middle of the snow belt.

We are making our 2nd trip to the Unschooler's Winter Waterpark Getaway in Sandusky, Ohio. Last year, when we arrived, the waterfall in front of the resort was frozen! But inside, it is always warm. There are lots of different areas for kids and grown ups, including a water zip coaster! There is an indoor "sock" area if you want to be dry (but why?!) and an arcade. You can tap you inner artist and create a pottery piece in their studio, or make your own snuggle buggle in the "Build-A-Bear"-like animal center. There is a candy shop, a spa and a gym. The resort also has lots of fun activities planned each day like cookie decorating, candy bingo, coloring contests and spider stomping!
We are going with a large group of unschoolers from all over the country. The talented and generous event organizers have planned a carnival, a dance, a talent show, movie night and lots of other amazing opportunities for families to play. There will also be many informational funshops for kids and adults.
We are really looking forward to reconnecting with old friends and meeting new. The lazy river and a margarita? What more could I want in February?!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Some testing results

We are going through the CSE process with our school district to get Kenny III tested and possibly seme services. I am not thinking that they will qualify him for services though, because we are homeschoolers. The school psychologist has been helpful and is pleasant to deal with, as are the office staff members at Pupil Personnel Services. However, I requested the evaluation in early September, before school even started, and we have not even had test number one yet. I am pretty sure if he were in school this process would not be taking so long. My son;s challenges are only additional effort for me, not any classroom teachers, so we are low on the list of priorities. I am consoling myself and keeping my frustration in check by constantly reminding myself that there are children with far greater needs than K3 so we can just wait our turn.

I chose to also have K3 evaluated by a private neuropsychologist. We are blessed with health insurance, and the doctor we chose took care of all the insurance issues himself. This was a gift in and of itself, as it left me free to navigate the other mazes of this process. His office is in Smithtown, which was no fun to get to, but he was soft spoken, generous with his time and non nonsense without being abrasive. All in all I would recommend him, as there are so few from which to choose and the only other neuropsych I know of does not come recommended. In fact, I tried to use the Stony Brook neuropsych and quickly learned that would not be the path for us.

Anyway, Friday night dh and I went to Dr. Sandberg's office to get his verbal synopsis of K3's test results. Some were quite surprising, but I am relieved to know where we stand. I am also very relieved that the first words out of Dr. Sandberg's mouth were not "He needs to go to school". It was pretty clear that was what he wanted to say, but he was kind and respected our choice. It appears Kenny has some sort of visual spatial perception issue. It is not severe and until I see the report for myself I don't completely understand what that means. He also is below level academically but since the tests are given in written format that is not surprising. The verbal tests and spoken memory tests were well above the mean, again no surprise.

What was surprising to me was that he does not appear to have any fine motor delays. He cannot properly write letters, but this is not due to any muscle weakness or fine motor difficulty. I was also amazed to learn my son cannot recite the alphabet! Actually, he can but he goes right from "s" to "y-z". However, once I realized he was having trouble I stopped trying to teach him the names of letters and focused more on making sure he knows what sound a particular symbol makes. Which he can do, so that was not a big deal to me although the doctor was pretty stunned that a 7 year old can't recite the alphabet! Whatever.

I look forward to seeing how the school's testing lines up with the neuropsych tests. Ia m thankful that Kenny III does not realize that he has challenges or is behind his peers in certain areas. I an thankful that our insurance will cover the testing and the OT, that dh is participating in this process and that we have the freedom to homeschool him and address these issues in all aspects of his life. I am also very blessed to have a great network of friends who have been or are going through this same process. It is wonderful to be part of a true community.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Too cold to think

My littlest has a friend coming over this weekend (see our Boston Trip blog). This will be the first time she has had a sleepover here and she is very excited. We changed the sheets, cleaned and vacuumed and Daddy is going to the store for snacks. Don't tell her, but he is actually going to the store because last Sunday and this he is a football widow. It's the Eagles and the Steelers baby, can it get any better than that? Only when the Steelers win!!! But I have obviously digressed.

Yesterday a good friend of mine suggested we all go out to Greenport ice skating. This sounded like a fabulous idea, as well as a perfect excuse to go to Target and buy that Thermos I know we need but have never bought. Oh, and a container to hold the 25# of flour that I ordered from co-op that will be here Tuesday without a home. Oh, digression again. Told you it was too cold to think. Which brings me right back on point. It's too freaking cold!!!! When I got up this morning Optonline gave the Aquebogue temp as -13. Yes, you saw that right, that's a minus in front of the 13. Right now it is saying -10 so we have warmed up, and the sun is out so I am doubtful about the accuracy of that number. But dh and I got a 6:30am wake up call from one of our drivers who was at the landfill in Ohio and the motor to the tarp was frozen. He said the temp was -15 to -10 there, so we may not be too far off track. The problem is the whole content of the trailer becomes a literal 53' long ice cube, but that is probably only interesting to me.

OK, back on track. I cannot even imagine being outside ice skating today. It is not high on my list of things to do anyway, given that I had 2 knee surgeries before I even graduated from high school and have no desire for a third. So what, then, do I do with 4 children all weekend? We will go to the barn for a short time, but even horses are frozen in this weather. And despite having 7 horses in her own backyard Kyle's friend does not like horses! Her mom is pretty disappointed. I thought about CMEE and then a quick trip to Shinnecock to see the seals, but again cold is not my thing. And if you have ever spent a minute with a 5 year old girl you know they always have to pee at the most inopportune times. 2 of them needing to pee in sub-zero weather, in front of the ocean would put me over the edge.

Atlantis is an option, as we recently renewed our membership. But I am not a fan of crowds, and we are so spoiled as homeschoolers there is typically no one in the place when we go. I thought about the library, but I really just don't want to leave my house. But I do have books on hold so perhaps a brief trip is in order.

Ugh. I am done rambling now. Stay warm all!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Letting Go

Sometimes, you just have to let it all go.

The year we moved into this house dh had a bad health crisis and auto accident on December 19th. The brand new neighbor, who I had just invited for coffee and cake that very evening stayed with my girls till 3:00am while I took my son with me to the ER to be with dh. Her generosity extended and she shared their Christmas Eve tradition with us, that year and every year since. We gather together for Chinese take-out. The first year this sounded incredulous, but I wasn't really in a position to be picky. I was overwhelmingly grateful to have such a great friend and neighbor. Now, several years and Christmas Eve's later, it is something we treasure. Thoughts of a fancy, Christmas Eve buffet that takes days to prepare? I've let it go.

This year, for the first time in my life, I did not prepare every element of our Thanksgiving meal fro scratch. I added fresh veggies and homemade stock to a bag of Arnold's stuffing. Turns out, my kids can't tell the difference between my cranberry mold and a can of Ocean Spray. And my oldest likes the ridges the can makes. The potatoes and gravy were all from scratch, but everything else started out partially prepared. It was a lovely, relaxed meal. Thinking I have to prepare every element of every meal from scratch? I've let it go.

Homeschooling is wonderful blessing, and something I am not willing to compromise. My kids are still little and retain their sponge like curiosity. While in the middle of one lesson, we often detour to further explore another, and the next thing you know an hour or two has gone by. Do you know how Henry Hudson died? Interesting. I used to schedule our school day, it was inconceivable to me that a day could go by without any of the lessons on our plan being fully completed. Fortunately for my children I have let that go. We now still have our plan, but detours and impromptu field trips enhance our learning, rather than interrupt it. Rigid scheduling? I've let it go.

I have never been a meticulous housekeeper. Our home is clean, but it could never be called neat. We have 3, home schooled children, a cat, a fish, a super sized tortoise and a large, active puppy. Every flat surface is covered in paper of some sort, bills, directions, recipes, artwork...you name it. I used to panic when the doorbell rang unexpectedly. But I have learned that most people with kids are relieved to see that your home is no different than theirs! I have also learned that it is an accepted fact of homeschooling, and other homeschoolers don't even notice. That means the welcome mat is always out and our door is always open. This has been one of the best blessings in my life. Those unexpected treasures, like a pot of hot soup, or a friend stopping by to share a cup of coffee. Our friends know that our door is always open to them, any time. No need to call, or worry that you are interrupting something. Our home is available, and so are we. Putting schedules above relationships? I've let that go.

My son has always had migraines. They are increasing in both frequency and intensity in the last several months. I have spent countless hours calling doctors, making appointments, taking him to specialists, making follow up phone calls, fighting with the insurance company...whew! What a chore. Then my son gets a headache and life stops. The laundry stays in the washer, the dishes stay in the sink and life literally stops. He and I cuddle and snuggle and whisper and huddle. My oldest occupies my youngest quietly and everyone pitches in to make K3 as comfortable as possible. Once he falls asleep, all of those chores will still be there waiting, but he will know that for as long as it takes, he has our love and support. Putting the house above the home? I've let that go.